I'm eating all of the evidence.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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