Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
