i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
