after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
