so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How does one acquire holy water?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
