we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
