Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
