how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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