moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
