I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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