Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
