My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You're a waste of cheezeits
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize