marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I won the penis lottery.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
