also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
A+ Viking dick
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
