This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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