When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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