Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
