if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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