She's JV to your varsity
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
try to milk me bitch
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
