yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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