she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
