Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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