Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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