you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize