So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
