Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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