The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
