I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
