my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
