god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
