did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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