What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
