mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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