i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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