I'm going to jail i love you
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
