this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
