shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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