Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
