I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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