you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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