i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
