I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
