Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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