Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
