Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize