hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
