If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
