He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
