Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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