If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
