Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
