shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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