I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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