Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
