Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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