Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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