Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
