Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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