Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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