do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize