Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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