I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
