sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dicks are not precious.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
