Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
