I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my poor anus
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
