Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
