it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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